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My Dream
By Anonymous In a dream, I was a child of about eight years old sitting on a large brown horse. I turned around, and behind me was Mother Mary and Father Joseph standing there looking at me. I got such a shock to see them there that I fell off my horse. But after that dream I feel so much love for them that seems to go on and on and on into the far blue yonder. - - - - - Moments of Experience By Anonymous Most of my brothers and sisters have had many moments of experience and realization over the years. These are some of mine. 1. Back in the sixties, as a young father of two children, one day after Latihan, I saw that there were three generations of members here and to come. The first generation – people like me who had come to the Latihan as adults – were the earth in which the seed of the Latihan was planted. The second generation was their children – the plants that grew from the seed and became the wheat plants. From these wheat plants came their new seeds -– the wheat from which God made the bread - the third generation. 2. As a newish member I attended teachers’ training college a three year course in primary teaching. After only a year I felt I should not be a teacher, but testing showed that it was not clear whether I should be a teacher. What was clear was that I should finish the full three year course. I didn’t like this, but accepted it as my lot. However, I did a lot of whining to God asking why. Eventually I was given an explanation to keep me quiet. I saw the course of my life stretching ahead. What I could see was a series of mountain tops that shone in the light and each mountain top was different in character, ending around 50ish where I was in a much cleaner and clearer state of quietness. But between each peak were dark valleys, full of thick jungle and not looking at all inviting. I was shown that in order to get to the tops of these mountains, I had to descend into the darkness and find my way through and toil up the next slope and that nothing was guaranteed. At this point I was climbing a slope out of a jungle, and this insight enabled me to carry on. I finished the course but never did become a primary teacher. 3. Later in life, in my thirties, I was shown that I had to go to university. We had six children and it was going to be a problem feeding them, paying the mortgage and so on. I was also an active helper and was part of a team running a new enterprise that took quite a lot of time but paid no wages. So I went part time at first, but it was hard earning enough money to live on so after a year or so I started working six nights a week in a service station. This provided enough money to live on and enabled me to go to university in the day and carry on as a helper and running the enterprise. But it didn’t leave much time for sleep! And I found studying business very difficult, even though I had worked as a manager in various companies. I had heard stories about people who had been guided to study and that they had found that the answers came easily through the Latihan. This did not happen with me. I asked God, “Can you help, please?” But the answer came back, “You have to this yourself”. Needless to say, I started to question the rightness of this. Testing showed that I had to continue. “Okay, God, I accept that I have to continue, but why do I have to do this? I already know about management, so why do I have to go through this torture?” Again, I found myself whining to God about this a lot. Eventually I was given an answer. I was shown that each of us is born with several gifts and I saw that these gifts had different meanings. Some gifts, perhaps playing an instrument, or painting or doing woodwork or making clothes, are gifts for your heart, to make life more bearable and also to develop parts of your being. But, unless you are a “real” artist, these gifts may not be for humanity. Another talent will be the one that you use in the world for both your inner growth and for making a contribution back to the world. I was shown that these talents are like a lever inside of you. But there is no fulcrum on which to use the lever’s potential strength. For me, studying, a form of intense prihatin in the material world, built such a fulcrum inside and I would then be able to use my talent, the lever, in the world and become more useful. The material forces would now recognize me. So I completed the degree and was then asked to continue on to do a master’s degree. “Oh no,” I thought, “Not more of this”. Then I looked back over my struggle with studying, I saw that although I was told I was on my own I had in fact received a lot of help. Testing showed that to continue studying would be extremely beneficial for my inner growth, so I accepted the offer to undertake the master’s degree. But I was also given part time jobs as a tutor and also a lecturer at the local technical institute so I could give up the night job. Eventually I was asked to do a PhD and was given a fulltime job as a university lecturer. I found myself sitting in an office with my name on the door and knowing that this was what I was supposed to be doing. I was now combining my management experience with my teacher training to good effect. Looking back, I can see how easy it would have been to give up and abandon this venture. The other aspect of this is that my wife suffered through all this with me. It was she who had to keep the kids quiet in holiday times when I returned from night work and needed to grab a few hours sleep before going off to uni and all the other attendant annoyances and hardship. Without her also accepting this process I would not have been able to go forward. 4. Another time, during the planning period to host a World Congress, I was wandering round the Latihan hall one Sunday morning, my mind in neutral, when I was told “You must stop smoking right now. You no longer have a choice”. Then “You must get off the congress organizing committee – you’re going to get in the way”. Lastly I was told – “You must start to take your job more seriously”. I have not smoked since – not a single puff. I got off the organizing committee and all went well. At work I was asked to be Head of Department, something I had previously studiously avoided, but now accepted. I and was then projected into a lot of painful purification. 5. Three things received at the end of one Ramadan. – not just told but really experienced: How lucky I was to have been born into this space suit on this planet at this time; How lucky I was to have received this amazing grace of the Latihan kejiwaan; How lucky I was to have found a woman prepared to commit herself to me for her whole life ( this one was the most amazing for me to feel. What a huge deal this is for a woman, especially married to someone like me who tends to take God literally!). I could see that we really need each other to get where we’re going. 6. One day a woman came to see me talk about something. She said something had happened to her and I was the only one she knew to talk to about it. I made a cup of tea and we sat out in the garden. Now this woman was in her sixties and was the mother of someone we had employed in our enterprise and was not in Subud. We had got to know her quite well. She was a woman of about as down to earth character as it’s possible to get – but she had a heart of gold and always did her best to use her talents and strengths to help others. She smoked and drank and swore like a trooper. She had been through a lot in her life. Born in the thirties, her mother was not married and was a young teenager when she got pregnant. So the baby was adopted out as soon as she was born so she never knew her real parents. She went through several foster homes and suffered from various forms of abuse. She grew up and married a man who turned out to be a drunk and womanizer. She suffered from several major illnesses and her son drowned in front of her when a boat overturned and they could do nothing to save him. But all through this she maintained a positive outlook and did her best to do everything she could to help others, particularly young women in need of help. Now she had terminal cancer and was at the end of her life. So, we’re sitting in the garden, smoking and drinking tea. She said “I had an experience last night – it was not like a dream. I was in the place where I was before I came here. I was in a line of people queuing up to see this kind of angelic being. When it was my turn, he opened this big book and said, “Read this – this is what you must experience if you want to return to the world.” So I read it and there was all the horrible things that had happened to me. Now he was asking me – “Do you accept?” So I said, ‘Yes,’ and the experience stopped.” Now she wanted to know if I thought this was real. I could clearly feel that this was a real experience and that is what I and everyone else here in this world have experienced before arriving here. This was a clarification for me about our experience of being here on this planet which is not our home – and the purpose of our being here. It is beautifully simple, yet explains so much that causes us to question how things happen the way they do. What I took away from this experience is as follows: When good people suffer we wonder why this is – how could God let this happen? So, it seems that we agree to undergo various ordeals tailored to what we need to effect spiritual growth. And it is only here on this planet that this can happen – to break us out of our cocoon and set our djiwas moving so that when we die we can keep moving and growing – by the Grace of God. So it is the suffering that is the true gift of God. 7. Coda Lastly, what have I learnt, painfully, from my 50 plus years of trying to follow the guidance of our latihan kejiwaan? I have learnt to trust God. This means that I have had to develop what I call a healthy sense of irresponsibility and to be prepared to risk all. Tying one's camel should not stop us from following our star. Finally, please forgive me if I have spoken out of turn or offended anyone. - - - - - |
Witness to the Ascension of Ibu Rahayu
By Anonymous I recently wrote to Ibu Rahayu attempting to describe a timeless latihan experience, trusting Ibu to know and understand the truth of it. I certainly recall it clearly, all these years later, even though the experience remains quite beyond descriptive words. It happened in a latihan at the 2003 Congress of the Americas in Agua de Sao Pedro (Waters of Saint Peter), Brazil. It was unasked for, and simply happened during a group latihan there. Of course, I have absolutely no words to describe it, yet I knew what I was experiencing; and that I was made a witness to Ibu Rahayu's ascension. I was travelling upwards, with such a total surrender with immense intensity and stretching of my inner self. It seemed someone was accompanying me. It went on until I heard a voice in my latihan (Bapak perhaps?) say firmly, "Enough!" and then the experience stopped. Afterward, I saw Ibu Rahayu come and sit in the garden with us all, and she nodded and smiled. This seemed a confirmation of truth. - - - - - Karma By Sebastian Paemen Some years ago I became aware of a teenager who in the weekends worked at one of the local supermarkets in the small provincial town in Oxfordshire where we live. His name was Leo. He somehow stuck out. Leo was a lively and handsome boy with a thick mop of curly hair. There was something unusual and slightly disturbing in the way he felt though. It was as if something mysterious hung around him. He therefore intrigued me. I remember once discussing this with my wife. One Friday afternoon my wife and I were coming back from Oxford and just as we entered the roundabout on the edge of town a deep sadness came over me, accompanied by a feeling of loss and disturbance. I nearly wept. Then the receiving came. 'A young man will die in an accident later this afternoon not far from here. The feelings of sadness and loss you feel are the feelings which his family will experience.' I have had a warning of a pending tragedy in the area where I lived before while living in Melbourne some years earlier. I recognised the nature of this receiving which was similar. I did a prayer asking that whatever would happen would be God's will. I soon forgot until some days later I flicked through a local newspaper and was shocked to read that Leo had been killed that Friday afternoon about two hours after I'd had the receiving. He was hit by a car while crossing the road with his bike, not far from the roundabout we had been on. A teenager his age (they were both 16) had stolen a car and while driving way over the speed limit had hit Leo. The article mentioned that Leo's family were deeply distraught. I felt so sorry for them as I knew how they were feeling. I prayed for Leo and his family. Then a second receiving came. In a previous life, when they were both 16, Leo had caused the death of the driver of the car and it was his karma that in this life he would die this way. The mysterious and disturbing feeling around him was his fate which I had sensed. The meaning of this sort of experiences seems to me to be that of being a 'witness'. I have heard other people say this. I think the lesson learned in this case was probably to bear in mind that there are all sorts of things happening around us of which most of the time we have no awareness or knowledge. - - - - - Trailing Clouds of Glory By E. Every so often, we may glimpse the profound importance of the latihan and its effect on the lives of those around us. A few years ago, I had the following experience involving the recently deceased mother of a close friend and Subud brother. We'd visited the funeral home, and as it was a latihan night, continued on to the Subud house. During the exercise, I became aware of a presence close by, associated with the words "trailing clouds of glory". Over the course of the latihan, it became apparent that this was the lady who had recently died, and she had come to thank me for introducing her son to the latihan. Now that had been 35 or 40 years before, and I had completely forgotten. But clearly she had not. And in retrospect it was completely in keeping with her character in life not to leave behind unfinished business. For those who like myself have forgotten the context of that phrase from Wordsworth, here it is: - - - - - |